Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
