Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
