NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
