Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
