In the future we'll all be gay
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
