Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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