I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
