It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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