Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
