I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
