And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
whose parrot is this?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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