its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
