new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
its liver damage thursday
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
