Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
