I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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