how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
