let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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