I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
