i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
