I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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