you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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