He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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