then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
