I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
