i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
