The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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