funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
