im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you win again, gameday.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
