Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Hippo gnu deer
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
