there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Let's paint friendship bongs
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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