My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just gift wrapped bread.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
