then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
