How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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