for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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