I CAN MOONWALK!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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