I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
