Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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