I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
