Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
