I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
