I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
