She announced her abortion via fbk
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
