He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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