This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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