New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
