I think my fart just growled at me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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