i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
