A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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