I want to have your abortion
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Gay?
German.
Pity.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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