Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
