Me too!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
