you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There r osticjed everywhere
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
