I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I had to cum in my sink.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
