So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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