id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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