dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
