I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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