Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
