ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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