Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Girls should come with a carfax report
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
