mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
