it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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