That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
