I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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