Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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